I remember as a kid the only thing I knew about fashion was that you couldn’t wear white after labor day. It was a constant, like the pools closing. So it’s strange that on this first year I have become interested in fashion, that old rule has been broken.
The tough part is that the general public is at least 2 years behind in fashion. So when I am perfectly in style and actually looking really good, the people around me will look down on me for breaking this sacred fashion rule. You have to have a good sense of confidence to wear white past labor day, in rural Virginia at least.
I wore white jeans, an ivory blouse, and snakeprint open toed shoes on a shopping trip last weekend. When I left the house, I felt great. I looked good and I was proud of my new-found fashion sense.
My son always thinks I look good. Or at least he says, “You just look my mom.” My friend who went shopping with us doesn’t care too much about fashion. I had told her it’s cool to wear white after labor day, so I think she understood it. She might not have been convinced, but she didn’t say anything.
My real self doubt started when we entered the”Spirit” Halloween tent in the parking lot of our local mall. The tent was dark, though, and people were focused on the costumes and the decorations.
Anxiety kicked in when we walked into Belk. I was now in public, in bright lights and in a fairly nice store. I was soon regretting my clothing choice. i could hear Stacey London’s voice in my head, admoninshing me to hem my pants before I go out in public. I wondered what she would say about my wrinkled jeans? What are you supposed to do about that anyway?
One of my big objectives for the day was getting fitted for a bra at Victoria’s Secret. I’ve been wearing Wal-Mart and dollar Store brands of bras for almost 20 years now. Once in a while I happened to be in a size where those bras would fit. It really is great when that happens! But I’m fairly small around my chest, with a bigger cup size than is common for my frame. So the normal sizes usually don’t work. And in the past week I had realized that my shirts would really look better if I had a decent bra.
As happy as I was to be getting fitted at Victoria’s Secret, I hated seeing myself in the fitting room mirrors.Standing there, I thought my outfit looked like summer outfit. It seemed that something was missing. I think a sweater, or the faux fur vest I have, or even a scarf, would have made it better.
My jeans were wrinkled and looked awful, and the rolled up cuffs made them look so much worse. And my shape made all my clothes look worse. At that moment, I realized that I looked like a fat person in pretty clothes. And I hated it.

In 2012-2013, you can wear white whenever you want. But how you wear it will make all the difference. It’s important to make sure every part of your outfit fits you properly. You might not feel great about your size. But great clothes will make you feel better. They might even make you feel as pretty as you really are!

This is, primarily, a fashion blog. But as I have said before, there are times when  I feel compelled to tackle more serious subjects.I hope I am not disappointing anyone! Currently, my children and I are enjoying a period of bounty. For the first time in a long long while, things are going good for us. But when things like this happen, it takes me right back to where we were a year ago.

Before I started this blog, before I got into fashion, I was mainly into survival. That’s only a slight exaggeration.  A year ago, my son and I were living in a motel room, in what is probably the worst and most dangerous motels in Colonial Beach. It’s known as a mecca for drug trafficking and prostitution, as well as all kinds of criminal activity. I’m not exaggerating. It’s a rough place. We had been living there for about 6 months. I was on unemployment, food stamps, and medicaid. I was about 51/2 months pregnant and very ill with preeclampsia.

We were where we needed to be, with a roof over our heads and our basic needs met. Our experience there was not as bad as some might imagine.  We kept to ourselves, spoke nicely when people spoke to us, and didn’t go out of our room after dark.   I will always remember the incredible kindness of the people there.  When Rose came home from the NICU, I didn’t have a bed for her to sleep in. I was afraid to put her right into the bed with me because she was so tiny (4lbs.) So like the old story, she really did sleep in a dresser drawer. Within a week, the motel manager’s wife brought me a bassinet for Rose. Soon after that came clothes for her, 2 bouncy seats, and even more clothes. The people there went out of their way to help us.  I love that lesson.  It’s people who have been through hard times that are the most generous, and the most ready to help.

That is the environment where we lived.  The biggest thing for me is that I just didn’t judge. After all, we were there too. Who was I to turn my nose up at them?

So it was a shock to hear that someone was stabbed there a few weeks ago.  It is harder knowing that the victim was a woman who lived there when we did, someone I spoke to daily in passing. (The ‘Hi how are you doing’ you say to everyone in a small town) People know each other here. I knew her by name. I’m sure she would have recognized me and my children. I’m pretty sure she came by our room and complimented me about my daughter.

But on a night not too long ago, while she was in her room with her boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend kicked the door in and  attacked her. She managed to run from the room crying for help, and the other people at the motel came running to help her.  But they couldn’t save her, and the ex- boyfriend stabbed her to death.

This happened in and around room 20. We were in Room 6. But the motel is built in an ‘L’ shape, so she was not far from us at all.  People called her Neecy.

I feel singed, as though we had walked too close to the fire. It makes me think fashion is a pretty insignificant thing. But is it really? Think with me for a moment about how fashion makes you feel. Does  reading about fashion stimulate new ideas? Does creating a new outfit give you a feeling of accomplishment? Does wearing a newly created outfit make you happy? Is it just plain fun?

If that is true, then I do think fashion is important. When tragedy strikes, we need distractions. We need the security of knowing who we are, and if fashion is part of who we are then it is very important!

Doing the things we love to do, and even thinking about those things, is really extremely important.  So fashion has helped me to cope with this frightening tragedy. Fashion has helped me to realize how far we have come,and to be grateful that we are now in a safer place, physically and financially. I hope that if tragedy does come your way, you will have a passion that will help you cope. I hope you will have a strong sense of your own identity, to help you ride out the storm.